Don’t take her for granted

When a married man starts to take his wife for granted he makes her feel unappreciated and unloved.  This can be a real problem as the moment a partner starts to feel that they are no longer loved they lose their motivation to put any effort into the marriage, which in turn angers the other partner, causing the other partner to grow more distant, and so on and so on.  The simple way to avoid this problem is, like most solutions, simply to not let it become a problem in the first place.  By continually reminding your wife that you appreciate all she does for you (and I guarantee she does more than you think) she will continue to feel validated, thereby ensuring she continues to do all those things that help your marriage run smoothly.  Showing your appreciation doesn’t need to take the form of any dramatic gesture (although it doesn’t hurt), it can be as simple as thanking her each time she makes dinner or does the dishes, publicly complementing her in front of your friends (“You should try [insert name of spouse and favorite dish here]!  It’s fantastic!)  Taking the time, even if it’s just a few seconds, to show her that you are appreciative of the time she puts into making your relationship work will go a long way to ensuring that she feels appreciated and loved.  No one wants to do the dishes, clean the house, or any of the other countless chores that need to be done, but those chores become a lot less of a burden if the person knows that their efforts are being noticed and valued.

Become a great lover

This one seems obvious.  After all, if you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with one person you better make sure your sex life is ready.  Now, when I say ‘great lover’ I don’t mean going out and buying some bullshit book about the Kama Sutra or some crap like that.  A great lover is not one who plants a million seeds and hopes one of them will grow.  A great lover is one who takes the time to make sure that when he plants a seed, it grows into a might oak! (Note:  Final outcome is dependent on what type of seed you plant in the first place)  He does this by figuring out what his partner likes and then building off that so as to increase his partner’s pleasure.  This requires that you be very observant of your spouse’s body language.  Women are a lot less likely to talk about what they want than men, so be prepared to learn to read between the lines.  Depending on the type of girl you married, you may find that she is up for anything and will always take the lead, but more likely you will find that your wife is up for just about anything, provided you make her feel comfortable about it first!  Don’t forget, women are just like men in that they want maximum sexual satisfaction, but unlike men they have been taught not to be as direct, which means a little gentle prodding might be called for.  Women will do almost anything you want them to do provided you give them a good reason, and no, them doing it because it gets you off is not a good reason.  If you feel that your sex life is suffering from your wife’s lack of adventure, I recommend two things:  First, take charge.  Women respect strength, especially in bed.  No matter what they may say, they all harbor secret desires about being the girl on the front of the cheap romance novel who gets flung into the hay pile and ravaged by the well hung farm boy.  It is your job to bring that desire out of hiding and into the bedroom, which you can do by taking charge.  Next time she gets home from work, before she’s even had a chance to put her things down and start talking about her day, walk over, pull her close to you with enough force that says, ‘I’m taking over’, kiss her passionately, and take her right there.  (Note:  Make sure the front door closed properly)  Don’t even give her a chance to protest, just make it clear that you intend to satisfy her desires and she’ll follow your every move.  Second, push the envelope.  The number one killer of married couple’s sex lives is routine.  If you do the same old thing it will quickly become boring and stale and before you know it you’re both lying in bed watching repeats of Law and Order instead of making love.  New positions are all well and good but unless you’re an Olympic gymnast odds are that you’ll be somewhat limited by the physical realities of love making.  (Nothing says ‘sexy’ like a strained back!)  Instead of trying some ridiculously complex position like the ‘inverted flying donkey’, mix up her favorite positions with new locations throughout your house along with new, unexpected and spontaneous times.  If you think she’s up for something a bit more…mature…I’ve got one word for you:  Amazon.com.  Remember, keep it fresh and creative and the passion will take care of itself.  It’s like stoking a fire:  Don’t focus on the flames, focus on the wood!

Published in: on October 29, 2009 at 6:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , ,

The grass may be greener on the other side but you still need to mow it

It is a common misconception that single guys have a better sex life than married guys.  We are constantly bombarded with images of single guys having these great sex lives that it’s easy to start believing that all of those commercials and TV shows are actually indicative of a real single person’s life.  As such, it becomes easy to start thinking that if you were single you would be hooking up with total hotties every night and each one of them would be unbelievably awesome in bed.  Don’t buy into it.  Aside from the fact that those commercials are all trying to sell you cheap beer, hooking up requires a fair amount of effort, and the results are less desirable than those you can achieve with your wife.  Great sex is a result of time and understanding of what your partner likes.  If you do it right, sex with your spouse will become more intense as time goes on because you will become more attuned to each others desires.  One night stands may carry with them the thrill of experiencing something new, but let’s not kid ourselves, there really is very little ‘new’ out there, at least in the circles most of us occupy.  Furthermore, single life carries its own set of commitments, often for far less sex.  The ratio of the total amount of time single guys spend trying to get laid to the actual number of times they have sex is far greater than the same ratio for married guys.  I’m not saying the single sex life doesn’t hold appeal, I’m just saying that the next time you see a hot girl sitting across from you on the metro and you start thinking about how you wish you weren’t married, remind yourself that 1) you’re probably not smooth enough to pick her up anyways, and 2) she may be hot, but as the old saying goes, someone out there is still sick of her shit.