A hand to help you up the mountain

Too many people think that the idea of marriage is to affirm that you have found a ‘soulmate,’ someone who ‘completes’ you. It’s unfortunate that this is the expectation that so many people have when entering marriage because it immediately sets the marriage up for failure. Inevitably, the person who is seeking completeness through their marriage will expect their partner to somehow empower them to do all the things they consider necessary to become a whole person and when that partner fails to live up to these impossible expectations the marriage will go bad. True self-awareness and a sense of wholeness can only come from within. Other people can help you in your search: teachers, spiritual leaders, your spouse, but only you have the ability to change who you are in order to make yourself whole. A marriage to someone you love can certainly help you achieve a greater level of wholeness but only because your love for your spouse drives you to better yourself, not because the other person brings your missing parts to the table. Anyone who believes that a marriage will compensate for shortcomings in their lives needs to reevaluate exactly what they feel their marriage is supposed to solve. Unfortunately, most people have a very difficult time achieving the level of introspection required to sift through the years of psychological garbage they have created to get to the real issues underlying their sense of incompleteness. It is this failing that accounts for the problems people have with their marriages and it’s a shame that people blame the idea of marriage, rather than themselves, for their lack of wholeness.

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Published in: on January 26, 2010 at 3:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Someone to keep you warm

There are some nights where no number of blankets can ward off the cold. There are some nights where no pajamas are heavy enough to temper the chill. There are some nights where only the warming presence of a loved one can possibly banish the darkness. Marriage was created for these nights.

Published in: on January 9, 2010 at 12:10 am  Leave a Comment  
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Because your life isn’t over

I think one of the reasons so many people fear marriage is because for them the term is synonymous with the idea that they are no longer able to live their lives.  It seems that many people consider marriage to be what you do after you’ve “sowed your wild oats.”  Terms such as “settle down” conjure to mind an image of a quiet life devoid of any excitement, the sort of life one would live after they’ve already accomplished all they wanted in the world.  Unfortunately, if this was the case no one would get married, for in truth no one ever accomplishes all they want.  There is always something left to be experienced.  The beauty of marriage is that you can share these experiences with someone who (in theory) shares your affinity for whatever it is you want to get out of life.  Marriage is not an end to your life (nor is it a beginning, as some would claim), it is merely a continuation of the life you have established for yourself to this point.  If you have decided that your life should be one of adventure and travel, your marriage can be an extension of that.  If you prefer a life spent reading and watching movies, your marriage can be an extension of that too.  Provided you pick the right person you will find that marriage enhances your life, rather than limits it.  Bachelorhood may provide you the freedom to do whatever you want, but marriage provides you a person with whom you can share that same freedom and together you can both experience all that you want out of life.

Published in: on January 5, 2010 at 3:29 am  Comments (3)  
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Sex on demand

Let’s face it – the whole point of the single life is to get laid. At the bar, at the office, at whatever you do in your spare time, you are constantly looking for the next person with whom you can hook up. When you’re married, there’s no question! You know exactly where to go for sex and, if you play your cards right, that person will always be willing. No sexting, no flirtexting, no reading between the lines, just sex. Now, for some, that can be a turn off. Lot’s of people enjoy the ‘thrill of the hunt’ and if that’s what you look forward to then have fun, but remember this: Sex is rarely about physical gratification (if it was, we’d all make do with happy socks and vibrators). While that insatiable lust may drive your initial actions, that is simply a physical reaction to a much deeper emotional need, namely, the need to connect with another person. Case in point, most married men who admit to cheating on their wives state that they did it because they felt they no longer had a strong emotional connection to their spouse. This is why one of the top warning signs that you may be going down the road to adultery is when you start confiding in a female friend things you don’t feel comfortable telling your wife. Once you understand that sex is a physical release for an emotional need, you can truly begin appreciating the fact that for the rest of your life you now have sex on demand.

Published in: on December 12, 2009 at 1:12 am  Leave a Comment  
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You learn to love the little things

Single life ain’t cheap. All those bars and dinners and assorted nights out add up quick. Remember that morning you woke up after a night of bar hopping, checked your wallet and realized the $200 you had in there the night before is now gone? Well, imagine if you could have the same amount of fun and all for a fraction of the cost? Sound like a good deal? That’s because it is! When you’re married you quickly realize that while going out is all well and good, staying in is just as satisfying. Whether it’s sharing a drink and talking about your day, watching a movie together or just hanging out with friends, you’ll find that it’s not the location, but the people you are with that matters. This is not to say you should become complete shut-ins, in fact, staying in all the time is a dangerous trap that married couples can easily fall into, but what you’ll find is that once you are married you no longer need to go out all the time since the thing you were searching for at the bars is now waiting for you at home.

Published in: on December 12, 2009 at 12:38 am  Leave a Comment  
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Being single requires a lot of work!

Let’s face it: Being single isn’t easy! You have to cook your own food, clean your own laundry, do your own chores, and basically learn to rely solely on yourself. When you get married you suddenly have a willing partner with whom you can divide up all of life’s little chores, thereby making more time for you to do the stuff you enjoy. Even better, you can now divide up your chores based on your respective strengths – if you like to cook and hate the laundry you can now negotiate to ensure that less of your time is devoted to what you hate and more of your time is devoted to what you love. If you’re married you have options, if you’re single you have none, aside from chinese or pizza.

Published in: on December 12, 2009 at 12:05 am  Leave a Comment  
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