A hand to help you up the mountain

Too many people think that the idea of marriage is to affirm that you have found a ‘soulmate,’ someone who ‘completes’ you. It’s unfortunate that this is the expectation that so many people have when entering marriage because it immediately sets the marriage up for failure. Inevitably, the person who is seeking completeness through their marriage will expect their partner to somehow empower them to do all the things they consider necessary to become a whole person and when that partner fails to live up to these impossible expectations the marriage will go bad. True self-awareness and a sense of wholeness can only come from within. Other people can help you in your search: teachers, spiritual leaders, your spouse, but only you have the ability to change who you are in order to make yourself whole. A marriage to someone you love can certainly help you achieve a greater level of wholeness but only because your love for your spouse drives you to better yourself, not because the other person brings your missing parts to the table. Anyone who believes that a marriage will compensate for shortcomings in their lives needs to reevaluate exactly what they feel their marriage is supposed to solve. Unfortunately, most people have a very difficult time achieving the level of introspection required to sift through the years of psychological garbage they have created to get to the real issues underlying their sense of incompleteness. It is this failing that accounts for the problems people have with their marriages and it’s a shame that people blame the idea of marriage, rather than themselves, for their lack of wholeness.

Published in: on January 26, 2010 at 3:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
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