Find the Right Woman

This part may seem obvious, but it is the keystone that makes a marriage work and as such deserves to be addressed.  It’s been my experience that people often get married for the wrong reasons, or to be more charitable, they get married for reasons that seemed right at the time.  Before you seriously consider proposing to your girlfriend, ask yourself exactly why you are getting married.  Is it because your passion for her is so strong that you simply couldn’t live without her?  Is it because when you’re with her you are the happiest person in the world?  Is it because when you’re away from her you feel utterly alone?  If the answer to any of these questions was ‘yes,’ you’re not being honest with yourself.  Go back and ask yourself why you feel that way about her.  Being in love is a really terrible reason to get married for the simple reason that love by itself is an emotional state, one that like all emotional states will change over time.  No one is ever happy all the time just as they are never sad all the time.  I guarantee that whatever feelings of love you have towards your potential spouse will change over time.  The question is, ‘how will they change?’  Will you grow closer to your spouse as time goes on or will you grow further apart?  Only you can answer these questions, but here are some useful questions you can use in helping to determine whether or not your love will wax or wane:

–         Aside from your mutual physical attraction to each other, what else do you have in common and are these commonalities enough to keep you interested in her the rest of your life?

–         Can you live with her faults?  No matter what you may think, your potential future wife is not perfect, and any quirks you may have written off in the interest of sex will only become more apparent as time goes on.

–         Can you live without her?  If not, then you should not get married!  If the thought of living without her makes you utterly depressed then you are probably not in a mature enough state to get married.  There’s a difference between mature love and immature love.  Learn to recognize them both. 

–         Can you picture your life together after the wedding?  The most telling moment of my marriage, the one that truly told me I had made the right decision, was the morning after we got back from our honeymoon and we both went back to work.  Life does not stop because you got married and if you can’t see beyond the wedding then you run the risk of being disappointed once the reality of post-wedding life sets in.  It’s easy to be in love when everyone in the world is focused on you and your spouse, it’s much harder when no one cares.

 In the end there is no sure fire way to tell if you’ve picked the right girl.  Try and be as objective as you can in your assessment of your potential future together.  Doing so may save both you and your potential spouse a great deal of time, heartache and money.

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Published in: on October 29, 2009 at 6:33 pm  Leave a Comment  
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