Learn to wrap Christmas gifts

One of the surest ways to brighten your wife’s Christmas is to wrap her presents. Fortunately, the level of expectation for guys wrapping gifts is so incredibly low (think aluminum foil) that all you need to do is put forth a moderate amount of effort and she’ll think you’re friggin’ Santa Claus. Now, I am in no way even remotely competent when it comes to wrapping gifts, but I have picked up a few tricks throughout the years to at least be able to fake it. Here’s my standard method of wrapping, which definitely qualifies it for the ‘good enough’ category:

1. Roll out the wrapping paper and lay the gift face down on the paper. This way when you cut the paper to size the rough edges will be on the back of the gift, which she won’t see. If you’re really dedicated you can fold one side and then place that on top of the unfolded rough side to create the illusion of a smooth edge. Apply one piece of tape to hold the two cut ends together.
2. Cut off the excess paper on one end and push in the edges so you have two trapezoids sticking out of the top and bottom of the gift. Fold the top trapezoidal part in half (or however many times you need to make it fit), then fold half of the bottom edge onto itself and then fold that part on top of the first part. Again, the point is to create the illusion of a smooth seam. Apply tape and repeat on the other side.

OK, if you did everything right you should now have something that looks like a halfway decently wrapped gift using only three pieces of tape and with no visible rough edges showing.  Now it’s time for you to really prove your love.

3. Do something clever to decorate the wrapped gift. Either tie some ribbon around the gift, slap a bow on it, wrap some ribbon, just do something that shows you put some thought into it.  Don’t get too creative, just do something to show she is important enough to you that you’re willing to go the extra wrapping mile.
4. Put a label on it and write something cute. Don’t just put, “From Husband to Wife.” Put something like, “To a wonderful wife from a loving husband.” I guarantee she’ll start tearing up before she even opens the gift. (note: make sure the ‘to’ and ‘from’ line are appropriate to the gift. Don’t write something sappy if the gift doesn’t warrant it, otherwise she’ll end up expecting a piece of jewelry when you really got her a bowling ball.)

Finally, there is one cardinal rule that you must follow when wrapping gifts for if you violate this rule all your efforts will be wasted: Don’t mess up her gift wrapping kit. This rule will vary depending on how crafty your wife is, but odds are she has some sort of collection of wrapping paper, bows, ribbons, labels, etc. and since no married man has any of these things you’ll inevitably end up using hers. Make sure that when you’re done you put everything  back where you found it!  If your wife is organized enough to have a gift wrapping kit she won’t appreciate you messing everything up.  Many a Christmas’ have been ruined at the sight of ribbon being haphazardly placed in the bow tray. 

Well, there it is!  Everything I know about wrapping gifts.  Seriously.  That’s it.  Good luck to you and remember, unlike gifts, here it really is the thought that counts!

Buy her flowers when she’s not expecting them

Any putz can buy a woman flowers on valentine’s day or her birthday or your anniversary. It takes a real romantic to buy her flowers when she’s not expecting it! Did she have to go out-of-town for a last-minute business trip? Did she call you at work to tell you how bad a day she’s having? Where you coming home and saw a guy selling flowers by the metro and you just decided to pick up a bouquet? This is the stuff that women eat up! Remember, women appreciate the thought you put into something more than the actual product – it’s how we get away with doing a crappy job when doing the laundry! The key is to be spontaneous and unpredictable. If she starts expecting flowers every time she goes away on a trip you’ll find yourself trapped having to always buy flowers, and the one time you don’t she’ll wonder why, which leads down a road you don’t want anything to do with! Just make it a point to every now and then buy her flowers for no reason other than you want to show her how much you care about her. I guarantee you’ll find that her appreciation will be far greater than when you get her flowers because that’s what’s expected of you that particular day of the year. The flowers don’t have to be anything special – roses are nice and all that but they lose their value if that’s all you buy. Mix it up with seasonal bouquets (easier than you think – just pick up a pre-made bouquet at the grocery store on your way to the protein tub aisle) and you’ll keep the excitement factor where it needs to be, and then, once you’ve got her thinking she’ll never get roses again…Bam! Go ahead and hit her with two dozen long-stemmed red roses! (Note: don’t actually hit here with the roses, especially if they have thorns) She’ll go friggin’ nuts.